Wake up call

at today's post-up checkup. Because I had to reschedule my appointment and my nurse wasn't available, I saw my surgeon for this first time since my surgery 8 months ago. I knew I had not had a good month, but I didn't think I'd had a backwards month. I gained 2 pounds! Totally not expecting that. 

So the doctor asked what's been going on. I told him I feel something's missing - like I've lost motivation, become complacent.  These feeling have been creeping up on me for the last couple months and I've had conversations with my therapist about them. It's easy to hear that I need to make myself a priority; not so easy to put into practice.  The problem with achieving so many of my goals, of looking and feeling so much better, is that I lost sight of the big picture. The initial, rapid weight loss right after surgery isn't sustainable..the surgery is only a tool in my weight loss journey. The rest is me, my attitude, and my level of commitment to myself.                                                                                   

Physically speaking I have had a very bad couple of weeks. Fell, whacked my head and broke some toes then fainted and had a convulsion followed by an ambulance ride to the ER. The next day my big cat objected to my ramming a pill down his throat and bit me on the finger. My hand swelled up and within 24 hours I had red streaks running up my arm followed by a trip to the walk-in clinic. Got a tetanus shot, shot of antibiotics, and 2 oral antibiotics. Doctor said stress could have impacted my weight loss. Ya think! A stress eater impacted by stress? Go figure.

Then we had a chat about what I've been eating...my food choices....

He looked me right in the eye and said "you had a life threatening procedure because you wanted to make a change and now you're feeding yourself poison". Don't hold back now, doc, tell me how you really feel!

Processed foods are poison to me; including crackers, chips, & juice. Protein bars are "cookies" and I might as well have a donut. In a nutshell, don't eat anything sweet because it triggers insulin release and cravings for more sweet foods. And that creates fat stores. So does alcohol, mochas, and smoothies. Not a problem on the first two since I only drink alcohol on vacation and one cup of regular coffee in the morning. I haven't been eating breads, pasta, rice, or potatoes anyway. I have been bad with the candy at work though, and dessert. I do love small servings of dessert. Apparently my morning protein shakes don't need to be in a venti-sized cup. And I don't need to use 8 ounces of juice in them, and I shouldn't be nursing them for a couple hours every morning. Tomorrow I start with 3 ounces of juice and a couple ounces of coconut water with the yogurt and protein powder. I need to make a drink I can get down in a half-hour. This will help eliminate those "hidden carbs" as well as the obvious ones. I need to switch from fruit to vegetables for snacks. And protein, protein, protein. Like jerky instead of tortilla chips. And cream cheese on celery instead of crackers.

The weight-loss window of success is the one-year period immediately following surgery. I'm only halfway to goal with just 4 months to go; that translates into 12 pounds per month from now on. I was sent home with instructions to re read my program materials - he said they'll have more meaning now.      I have to start a food journal of  EVERYTHING I eat for the next month. And get back to support group meetings, MAKE THE TIME. He apologized for being hard on me but, you know what? I think I needed it  - I made my next month's checkup with him instead of my nurse. 

 

7 months Post-op - I am a tortoise...

Slow and steady, that's been me since the first of the year! Lost 4 pounds last month; only half of my goal for May, but considering I went to Vegas a couple of weeks ago, not to bad. Vegas and dieting are contradictory, too many fabulous restaurants and Piña Colada slushy machines.

So, new this month was the single most embarrassing moment of my life. I had been shopping at Target, checked out, and was leaving the store when the security buzzer went off. Since I bought things like cat litter and razor blades I was a bit surprised but waited at the door for the security guy to come over. Well, we're standing there chatting and I felt something brush against my leg. I looked down and my skirt had fallen off and was laying on the ground around my feet. I quickly pulled it back up, the security guy said everything was fine and I left.  Once home, that skirt and everything else in my closet size 2X went into the give-away bag. The "making clothes work for awhile" plan isn't working for me anymore. I have a couple size 1X that I plan on taking in but for the most part my old wardrobe is gone.

Shopping is strange now that I fit in "normal" sizes. I can go in stores that don't carry plus sizes. There are so many more choices! And cute stuff  that fits! I went to the mall with a friend last weekend and we kept picking out the same things. We used to have to shop in different sections! Anyway, going forward I'm not buying anything bigger than a size 12/LG. Though I am losing at a slower pace, I definitely don't want to risk a repeat embarrassing moment.

This month I need to focus on cutting out the hidden carbs in my diet and on upping my water intake. Plugging along, steadily losing, I will win this race!

6 month done...Half Way There!

Yes, it's really been 6 months surgery! I had meant to post a 5 month update but life took over and I realized I was only a week away from my next checkup. In the last 3 weeks I've welcomed a new granddaughter, said my last goodbyes to a grandpuppy and helped one of my daughters get her house in order. It's also been crazy busy at work while being short-staffed.  With all the turmoil, the blessings and the sorrows, I totally lost sight of my own goals. My habit of taking care of everyone and everything besides myself crept up on me without warning.

So in the last 2 months I have only lost 5 pounds. Mostly because I've been craving salt and chocolate, which means I've been eating chips and cookies, etc. and not sticking to a meal plan. I am a huge stress eater so it's a miracle that I lost any weight at all. Good thing my stomach doesn't hold much or I probably would have gained! My nurse sent me home the other day with instructions to re-read my program materials and get back on a menu plan. And get back to gym...make the time for myself, to take care of me first, or I'll burn out and not be good for anyone.

ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE...

The last six months have been an amazing journey! I have accomplished so many goals that a year ago I wouldn't have imagined possible. I've lost 55 pounds. I've gone from a size 22 to a size 12/14; dropped a full shoe size (and don't need wide width); diabetes-gone; high blood pressure-gone; high cholesterol-gone; sleep apnea-gone; low back pain-mostly gone. My old wardrobe is almost gone, just a few things left I'm having trouble letting go of. I can wear heels again. I cut my hair short.

I don't have crazy mood swings anymore. I don't spend hours at the doctors office every month. My relationship with my husband has improved. I have two beautiful granddaughters. I don't sleep all the time. My house is cleaner.

I still have a ways to go and the resolve to make the changes needed to get through the next 6 months. I have another 50 pounds to go so I need to pick up the pace a bit. 8 pounds a month from here forward...I can do this!

Non-scale Victories

Since my weight loss has stalled for the last month (my own doing) this month's post is focused on other victories...

We just got back from vacationing in Mexico. The reason my weight loss stalled is because I chose to drink alcohol while there. No regrets, just an explanation (and my nurse says not to do it again for a while...no worries, not camping until July). HOWEVER, I took a 9 1/2 hour walking tour which involved 5 miles of trekking around on uneven ground AND KEPT UP WITH THE GROUP! Plus I still had enough energy to meet my fellow vacationers in town for dinner. AND get out of bed the next day to go hike around the botanical gardens and go on an amazing boat ride/dinner tour that night. 6 months ago any one of those activities would have wiped me out for a week! I also went horseback riding (okay cousin, I think I can handle the wine tour now), climbed down to the base of a waterfall to go swimming, climbed back up without assistance, and jumped back into a pontoon boat from the beach (with minimal assistance).

I have a 1 drink limit and can split a resturant dinner with my husband (can we say "cheap date").

I didn't have to ask for a seatbelt extender on the plane.

I had more room in my suitcase since my clothes take up less space.

I didn't have to lug a CPAP machine through airport security.

I've gone from a size 22 to a size 14/16.

I'm down a total of 50 pounds.

I don't need a nap everyday.

So, vacation is over...I'm recovering from an upper respiratory infection (courtesy of a weak immune system and traveling)...new Grandbaby is due in four weeks...and I'm back on program.

Till next month, thanks for everyone's continued support! Love, Karla

My Own Worst Enemy....

sometimes I'm not very smart. I know that I have a couple of meds that I have to take EVERY SINGLE DAY. I know that I have to drink at least one protein shake EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I know that I have to drink at least five glasses of water EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Just because I know a thing doesn't mean I'll do a thing.

I ran out of one of my meds a couple days ago. Skipping one day gives me a major headache, skipping two days and I get flu-like symptoms...

I grabbed a banana on my way out the door this morning and only had a half a protein shake in the fridge at work, plus I brought my backup supply home last Friday...

I had a large mug of orange spice tea at work and didn't drink any water today...

I went to yoga class. Needless to say 15 minutes in I was dizzy and nauseous and stuck there because I didn't drive myself. I sat through most of class trying to keep my head as upright as possible and not moving very fast; I sat out quite a few poses. As soon as I got home I took my meds and grabbed a large glass of water. I've been home for an hour - my head still hurts, my heart is throwing PVCs, and my back hurts from not warming up very well at yoga. At least the nausea med worked and I'm keeping water down.

My head knows that these are the consequences of not following directions but some stubborn child part of me pops up every now and again with a "don't tell me what to do" attitude and throws me under the bus. Unfortunately this stubborn child has been coming out too often lately and my weight loss has plateaued because of it.

While my head knows that I have to get back on track there's another part of me that feels tired and wants a break. I want a sandwich, I want pasta, I want a Pepsi; and I'll get over it and move forward.

Tomorrow. A fresh new day. No looking back.

Damn This is a Winding Road

So yesterday was my 3 month post-op check. I did not quite make my half-way goal of 55 pounds lost and was a bit surprised to learn why...not eating enough calories! We talked through my daily "menu" and figured I was eating around 600 calories a day. And crappy calories at that! I've been craving carbs for the last couple of weeks so I've been eating crackers, fruit, pretzels, dry cereal, etc. Apparently my body thinks it's starving and my metabolism has slowed to a crawl. That was unexpected! At 3 months my stomach has healed enough that I should be able to eat a little more. And I need between 800 -1200 calories a day.

So now along with my morning protein shake I can add oatmeal. Lunch is good with cottage cheese and fruit, but I need to add an afternoon snack with protein - like deli meat with my crackers or nuts. And I need to eat protein with dinner EVERY night. And a frozen fruit bar is not dinner. Neither is a handful of tortilla chips or pretzels. I stand by tapioca pudding being dinner since it has eggs and milk, but my husband disagrees on that one. I found some protein bars without peanut anything in them at the grocery store last night and added one to breakfast this morning. Plus I mixed some yogurt in with my protein powder and juice concoction. I had the usual for lunch, a cheese stick for a snack, and turkey deli meat, guacamole and chips for dinner. (I know, but I couldn't be perfect the first day!) I still need to work on getting in enough water, now up to 64 ounces a day, although I'm doing much better. I needed more fiber in my diet to fix some internal processing issues so now I add Benefiber to my after lunch water bottle. It also helps to have a friend with a lemon tree since I hate drinking plain water. Sticking to a menu plan at work is easy, weekends not so much. Not being on a regular schedule and eating out really messes with staying on track!

My last entry was about getting moving - getting back to the gym. I decided to start slow and the first week back I just rode an exercise bike for 1/2 hour each trip. And it wasn't too bad! The second week I decided I was ready for Tuesday & Thursday yoga class. So, I hadn't been to yoga since my back injury in August 2013. It all came right back, some positions were even easier since I've lost weight. Yep I was ready! WRONG.  The next morning, muscles I forgot I had ached so bad I could hardly get out of bed. Fortunately things improved once I got up and moving. Took a muscle relaxer before I left for work just to ensure making it through the day. The next yoga class, two days later, I took it a bit easier and climbed in the hot tub as soon as we got home. Actually felt pretty good the next day. I missed class earlier this week because I wasn't feeling well, but I had a good workout tonight; hopefully I can get out of bed tomorrow morning!

Anyway, armed with my revised diet and exercise plan, and a renewed sense of commitment, I am going to make my halfway point by next months check-up! I've lost a total of 47.5 pounds since surgery; just 7.5 to go to make my mid-way goal. I'm down 5 sizes, have said goodbye to half the clothes in my closet, and have said hello to a pair of over-the-calf high-heeled leather boots! A year ago my legs wouldn't fit in an over-the-calf boot and I wouldn't have even considered heels! Gotta love tangible results!

Thanks again for all your support and well wishes. Keep praying for me to have the strength and the resolve to make it down this incredibly winding road. Love, Karla

Welcome to 2015! Time to get moving.

When the nausea incident began my exercise bike and I parted ways. After my 2 month check up yesterday it's time to get reacquainted.

I'm doing well, lost 10 pounds last month for a total loss of 43 pounds. I am on track to make my 3 month goal of  55 pounds or "half-way to goal". After 3 months things start to slow down as my stomach heals and I can increase my calorie intake. Getting in enough calories had been a real problem for me up until last week. Then I quit taking Metformin (nausea gone) and I had a garage full of cookies (nausea gone); bad combination! As noted before, eating sugar has the same effect on weight loss as drinking alcohol...brings it to a screeching halt. So while I lost 10 pounds over the last month, I actually gained a pound in the last week. Not good - time to regroup!

I had the Celtic symbol for "New Beginnings" tattooed on my wrist the other day. It is placed so it's facing me when I look at it. The tattoo is a physical reminder to myself that I CHOSE THIS PATH;  I WANT/NEED TO MAKE CHANGES IN MY LIFE. No more back-sliding, no more bargaining with myself, no more eating foods I know I shouldn't. Time to be serious about drinking enough water and eating enough protein. Time to use the gym membership I pay for every month. Time to get off my ass and get back to yoga class. 

My first task is to get back on the bike. This weekend I'm clearing my closet of all the clothes that are too big (some of them I was waiting to get small enough to wear and now find I waited too long). The start of a new year is the perfect time for me to, not make resolutions, but take control again. I knew this road wouldn't be an easy one, but so worth the journey!

On a side note; remember the wrinkles from a few weeks ago? For Christmas my husband actually went to the Clinique counter at Macy's, explained my situation and asked for help in choosing products! Thank goodness the gal asked for my name and she just happened to be my consultant. So Christmas morning I unwrapped the most amazing kit of anti-wrinkle products! My husband looked a little nervous, he was afraid I might have been offended. Totally the opposite! Gotta love a man who pays attention to what I want, knows where I shop, knows what products I use, and isn't too timid to go to the makeup counter and ask for help! I am one lucky girl...

Switching to monthly updates from now on since I'm settling into a routine. Please pray for me to get back on course and stay there. Everyone's support means the world to me, I can't do this without you in my corner cheering me on. Love, Karla